Transcript

What follows is a transcript of the entirety of VO Comics:

Warning: This may not make much sense to you without the associated comics, it is primarily for reference

[Alley]

Violent Orchid: Help!

Capable Man: Hey! You there! Stop it, or face the wrath of Capable Man!

Violent Orchid: Hmmph, what took you so long? This man might have been serial rapist!

Hired Attacker: Help!

Capable Man: Hey! Stop that! You can't defend yourself, that's vigilantism! It's illegal!

Violent Orchid: Sigh, so many rules! I just can't follow them all. Where's your little sidekick?

Hired Attacker: Urk!

Capable Man: My sidekick? Do you mean 'Tele-Pete'?

Tele-Pete: Someone call? Tele-Pete to the rescue!! Um... What is going on here?

Capable Man: That woman fended off an attacker! She's a criminal!

Violent Orchid: Actually, I hired this idiot to attack me. I wanted to lure you here so we could talk. Because I'm no mere criminal. I'm a super-villainness!! And you can call me The Violent Orchid!

Tele-Pete: Never heard of you!

Violent Orchid: Well then, I guess I'll have to make a good impression! I heard on the news that your arch enemy Obese-Man died of a heart attack. So that must mean you have an opening?

Tele-Pete: Urk!

Violent Orchid: That's why I'm here. I would like to be your new arch enemy! What do you say?

Capable Man: I say 'enough talk'! You want a fight? You got it!

Violent Orchid: Great idea! We can call it your audition! If I'm going to be your nemesis, I need to be certain that you are... well y'know, ...capable!

Capable Man: Gaaaak!

Violent Orchid: It's very important you have a high pain threshold because I can be a real handful!

Capable Man: Aieeee!

Tele-Pete: Hey, let go of him!

Violent Orchid: Oh for Pete's sake! You don't have any real powers, do you? You just use your helment to teleport around? Somebody's overcompensating! Is that all you can take Pete? You are such a pansy! At least Cap' here can take a few punches!

Capable Man: Aaak!

Violent Orchid: I just love a man with stamina!!

Capable Man: Unngh!

Violent Orchid: I'm impressed, Cap'! How are you still standing? You must have some powers! Like super-healing or a regeneration thing! Am I right? I was pretty sure I 'broke' a few things down there! But they keep growing back, don't they?

Tele-Pete: Sneak attack!

Violent Orchid: Sigh... you really shouldn't yell "sneak attack" Pete. You obviously don't have any kind of martial arts training.

Tele-Pete: Aak!

Violent Orchid: So all you have is your stupid teleportation hat?

Tele-Pete: Ow! Hey... let go of me!

Violent Orchid: Did you make it yourself? You are such a nerd!!

Tele-Pete: Hey! No! Don't touch that!!!

Violent Orchid: There we go! Teleportation disabled! Now you are completely powerless!

Tele-Pete: God dammit! You stupid bitch! Do you know how expensive that was?

Violent Orchid: "Bitch"!?

Tele-Pete: No, ...wait! I didn't mean it!

Violent Orchid: You've got balls Pete! But they seem to be getting you into trouble!

Tele-Pete: Unnh...

Violent Orchid: Maybe you should have them removed?

Tele-Pete: Aaaaagh!! Aieeeeeeeee.....

Capable Man: Ha! Take that!

Violent Orchid: Holy crap!!

Capable Man: That's right, what goes around, comes around!

Violent Orchid: Wow!

Capable Man: Hurts doesn't it?

Violent Orchid: Actually... No!!

Capable Man: What!? Really?

Violent Orchid: My suit is lined with protective padding, including a cup!

Capable Man: Cup? They have those for girls?

Violent Orchid: Didn't feel a thing.

Capable Man: Fuck.

Violent Orchid: Why are'nt you wearing a cup? Are you stupid, or just plain nuts? Hee hee, 'nuts'! You've been a good sport Capable-Man. And a perfect punching bag! Tele-Pete, however, is kind of a loser. Look! I think he's trying to escape!! Are you trying to crawl to safety? You're going way too slow! Here. Let me step on the gas for you!

Tele-Pete: Aaagh!!!

Violent Orchid: Vroooom! Anyone know a good mechanic? Are you... crying? Pathetic! This is why nerds shouldnt try to fight crime! Looks like you need a new sidekick, Cap'. Tele-Pete was a complete bust! But look on the bright side, you passed the audition! Your healing powers are a perfect match to my superior strength and speed!

Capable Man: That's it! No more holding back!!

[Sidewalk]

Narrator: Meanwhile...

Misogy-Ninja: The Misogy-Ninjas will always tri-oomph!! Urk!!

She-Nobi: That was easy. I hope there's more like him!

[Alley]

Capable Man: Screw you, Orchid!!

Violent Orchid: Screw me? You'd like that, wouldn't you? Sorry stud, you should have quit while you were ahead. 'Cause after this, you won't even be able to screw yourself!

Capable Man: Eeeeek!

Violent Orchid: Like I was saying, you passed! But not by much... If you are going to hang with me, you had better step up your game.

Capable Man: Aaaaaaaaaaaaahhhh!!!

Violent Orchid: Next time, I want more of a challenge! We will try again next week, if you can re-grow a pair!

Narrator: Later.

Super-Dick: What the hell happened here?

Misogy-Ninja Dave: Not entirely sure yet, sir. Looks like it could be another dwarf attack.

Super-Dick: Umm...? Dwarves? You think 'dwarves' did this????

Misogy-Ninja Dave: Yes sir. It may sound silly, but we've been getting reports from all around the city.

Super-Dick: Reports of what?

Misogy-Ninja Dave: Violent attacks on our men. Most of the damage done... *ahem* below the belt...

Super-Dick: Fuck! It sure sounds like dwarves! Is Capable-Man awake?

Misogy-Ninja Dave: No sir. he was only conscious for a minute. He said a woman attacked him.

Super-Dick: A woman??!

Misogy-Ninja Dave: I know, ha ha! He has a pretty bad concussion.

Super-Dick: Ha ha hee ha ha! Enough joking Dan! The 'League of Imposing Morale Parameters' must keep the peace! Summon the rest of the Misogy-Ninjas. I want these dwarves found and killed!

Misogy-Ninja Dave: My name is Dave...

[Sidewalk]

She-Nobi: Wow, there sure are a lot of you! Are you like a gan or something?

Misogy-Ninja Dan: Gang? No, we are the 'Misogy-Ninjas'! We are assassins in the League of Imposing Morale Parameters!

She-Nobi: So you're a L.I.M.P. assassin? What else could you tell me, I wonder? Perhaps I can squeeze you for some information?

Misogy-Ninja: Oh shit, oh shit. He's telling her everything! This is bad!

She-Nobi: It's about to get worse.

Misogy-Ninja: Ahh! How did you sneak up on me?

She-Nobi: That's what we do.

Misogy-Ninja: Who are you?

She-Nobi: We are called the She-Nobi! We're secret agents of F.I.R.M.

Misogy-Ninja: She-no-bee?? How come I've never heard of you?

She-Nobi: That's the "secret" part, dumbass.

Misogy-Ninja: Oh shit! Are you... dwarves?

She-Nobi: Wow you really are dumb!

Other She-Nobi: You should probably just surrender.

Misogy-Ninja: Surrender? Ha! Never. I'm not afraid of a couple of girls! I've been a ninja for 8 years! I'm a triple black belt! I have more.....

2 She-Nobi: [together] Shut up!

She-Nobi: I prefer the 'silent' ninjas.

Other She-Nobi: You've been very helpful Dave. Now, I will keep my promise and let you go.

Misogy-Ninja Dan: My name is Dan

She-Nobi: Whatever!

Other She-Nobi: You're just letting him go?

She-Nobi: He's going to report to his boss. We should to the same.

[L.I.M.P. HQ]

Narrator: Misogy-Ningas' Headquarters...

Misogy-Ninja Dave: They ambushed us! They don't have powers, but they are well trained.

[F.I.R.M. HQ]

Narrator: Shenobi Headquarters...

She-Nobi: There are hundreds of them and they are recruiting more every day!

[L.I.M.P. HQ and F.I.R.M. HQ]

Misogy-Ninja Leader and She-Nobi Leader: [together] This means war!

[Cover 2]

Violent Orchid: Who posted this? This is a terrible picture of me!

[Money Sack]

Narrator: 10:30 AM Somwhere in America... I think it's Thursday.

Violent Orchid: Well one of us will have to let go.

Bank Guard: You win! Take it!

Violent Orchid: That's what I thought. Now I can finally affort those amethyst heels!

Capable Man: Not so fast, Orchid!! Give up now, or be destroyed by the undefeatable Iron Crotch!

Violent Orchid: Seriously?

Capable Man: What??

Violent Orchid: I recognize you Capable-Man!

Capable Man: Shit! How did you..?

Violent Orchid: All you did is change your mask and put on metal Speedos.

Capable Man: It's armor! For your information, I changed my whole persona! I even got new business cards!!

Violent Orchid: I do not have time for this.

Capable Man: And these aren't Speedos! This is the new "Guy GUard 400" Its kick proof, punch proof and...

Violent Orchid: Bullet proof? Come on... Seriously? A 'clip-on'? You thought that would protect you? This is absurd. Now I have to hurt you, just for wearing it! Maybe your new name should be "Ironic Crotch"? Wait a minute... You're hiding something! You would only follow me here if you thought you could defeat me somehow... You must have some secret plan, right? Well I don't like secrets! And the only thing I like about plans is squashing them!

Capable Man: Ooooof! Aaah! Nooo.... Stop! *Cough *Cough Gaaagg!

Violent Orchid: So what is it? What aren't you telling me?

Capable Man: Ahhg Gaagaa *Cough Gaaammmb!! Ooosch!!

Violent Orchid: "Gambush"? What the fuck does "gambush" mean?

Misogy-Ninja: Ahem!

Violent Orchid: Oh shit! Ambush!!

Virtue Knight: Surrender now Violent Orchid! Justice demands that we lock you in a cage!

Foot-baller: Or you can resist and we can settle this right here, right now.

Violent Orchid: Yes! This is going to be awesome!!! Typical. Send in the stupid henchmen first. Thanks boys! A little warm-up is just what I need! Wow, there sure are a lot of you!

Virtue Knight: Stupid henchmen... They're getting their asses kicked by a girl!!

Foot-baller: Should we help them?

Virtue Knight: Nah, their job is to take a beating. She's going to get tired eventually. Then it's your turn!

Foot-baller: Can't we fight her together?

Virtue Knight: No. One at a time. That's just how it's done.

Violent Orchid: What the hell? You're a woman?

Female Misogy-Ninja: Yeah, so?

Violent Orchid: So.... why would you join the Misogy-Ninjas?

Female Misogy-Ninja: I hate "chicks."

Violent Orchid: Fair enough. I don't discriminate! Looks like you two are the last of the henchmen. Or is it "hench-people"?

Misogy-Ninja: Eek!

Violent Orchid: Whatever... just stand over here please. That's it right there! That was amusing, but I'm ready for a real challenge now. Who's next?

[Outer Space]

Narrator: Meanwhile, far away, on a distant planet that has nothing to do with our story...

Spaceman: I have super-speed and super-strength. How do you expect to defeat me?

Telekinetic: Telekinesis! That means I can manipulate objects with my mind. Especially small objects!

[Money Sack]

Violent Orchid: So, what's with all the football equipment?

Foot-baller: I am the "Foot-baller"!

Violent Orchid: Hey, that's what my name should have been.

Foot-baller: Hah! Girls can't play football!

Violent Orchid: Oh ya? I bet I have more career sacks than you!

Foot-baller: Hey! What the..?

Violent Orchid: It seems you were smart enough to wear your cup. Unfortunately, it's just a cheap plastic one! Gimme a "V" Gimme an "O" Gimme a fight, and you'll get a low blow! Hey! What the...

Wrestler: Grrr!

Violent Orchid: ... fuck. Big mistake, asshole. Now I'm angry!

Wrestler: Grr!

Violent Orchid: This is what you get for making me mad! And this is for ruining my hair! Never mess with a woman's hair!

Wrestler: Rrrg...

[L.I.M.P. Base]

Misogy-Ninja Dave: Hey! It's Dave! Let me in!

Misogy-Ninja: This is a secret base. You need the password

Misogy-Ninja Dave: "Ninjas Unite to Succeed!" Now let me in already! I caught a She-Nobi!

Misogy-Ninja: Good work Dan! As for you, She-Nobi bitch, we are going to enjoy interrogating you!

She-Nobi: Yes, go ahead.

Misogy-Ninja: We even have a brand new, state of the art, torture room!

She-Nobi: I'm in! Let's do this!

Misogy-Ninja Dave: Hey! We're not kidding around here!

She-Nobi: Your plan worked!

Misogy-Ninja Dave: What worked?

She-Nobi: They left the front door wide open!

Misogy-Ninja Dave: What? Who are you talking to? Are you wearing an earpiece?

She-Nobi: Will you shut up already! I'm on the phone!

Other She-Nobi: You led us to your base and even left the door open!

Other She-Nobi: What a gentleman!

Misogy-Ninja: Ahhg! Surrender! We surrender!

She-Nobi: Wow. Is that it? You give up?

Misogy-Ninja: If you let us go I'll tell you anything.

She-Nobi: Don't bother, I already found the files we came for.

Other She-Nobi: Ha ha, too late!

Other She-Nobi: Easiest mission ever! You guys got stomped!!

[Money Sack]

Virtue Knight: Enough! Your devilry is most heinous and will be tolerated no more!

Violent Orchid: Do you seriously think you can arrest me?

Virtue Knight: Truly! For I am "Virtue Knight!" Guardian of Good! Enemy of Evil! Negator of Need!

Violent Orchid: Ha ha, your friend here has been "kneed" enough to "negate" reproduction!

Virtue Knight: Hey! Stop that! You fight with no honor!

Violent Orchid: Says the man swinging a sword at an unarmed woman?

Virtue Knight: You resist! I have no choice but to use lethal force!

Violent Orchid: Well I definitely resist arrest! But I just can't resist a bust!

Virtue Knight: Aaaah!

Violent Orchid: Typical! You're useless without your weapons!

Virtue Knight: No!! My shield! You are not worthy! Only a man, knighted by the gods, may wield its power!

Violent Orchid: Alright! Shut up! Holy crap, we get it! You're a knight! Well, guess what? I'm no princess!

Virtue Knight: Aaaak!

Violent Orchid: Good night, knight! Now, where is what's-his-name hiding?

Capable Man: Yes, Iron Crotch! Badge number 69-69. Activate T.P. Protocol! We are Code Blue! Ya, bro! Serious! Code Fucking Blue!

Violent Orchid: Looks like the line's dead... and so are you!

Capable Man: Okay! I give up!

Violent Orchid: Get out from behind there. The cameras can't see you.

Capable Man: Cameras?

Violent Orchid: Yes. Security cameras. We're in a bank, dummy! Normally I erase them when I leave, but this time I think I'll keep the video.

Capable Man: Aah!

Violent Orchid: Say "squeeze!"

Capable Man: Ahhhhh!!! Aahhh! Put me down!!

[L.I.M.P. Super-Max Prison]

Violent Orchid: What the...

Tele-Pete: Yes!!!!

Violent Orchid: ...fuck!

[L.I.M.P. HQ]

Misogy-Ninja: Hey! You can't be here! These parts of the building are private!

She-Nobi: If your "parts" are so private then you shouldn't leave them wide open!

Gun Knight: Wow! You're pretty strong ...for a girl! Let's see you try that karate shit against a man with super-powers!

She-Nobi: Um, no thanks. Gamma Rae, it's your turn!

Gun Knight: Ow, fuck! What the hell?

Gamma Rae: Is one of your super-powers "resistance to concentrated beams of energy"?

Gun Knight: Ahhhh!

She-Nobi: Awesome!

Gamma Rae: I didn't think so.

She-Nobi: Phase one, complete!

Gamma Rae: That was easy.

She-Nobi: North exit secure. Yes.... copy that. We're ahead of schedule

Gamma Rae: So, what now?

She-Nobi: We have about ten minutes to kill.

Gamma Rae: Oh really?

She-Nobi: Ha ha ha! That looks so painful!

Gamma Rae: And this is the weakest beam I can shoot!

[L.I.M.P. Super-Max Prison]

Violent Orchid: Fuuuuuuuuuuuck!

Tele-Pete: Why are you so upset? You must have known this would happen!

Violent Orchid: Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!

Tele-Pete: It was only a matter of time before we out-smarted you! The law always wins!

Violent Orchid: Goddammit. This is so embarassing!

Tele-Pete: Get used to that cell. You're never going to get out of there! Ha ha! The look on your face right now... Hey! Let go!

Violent Orchid: Don't be a sore winner, Pete. It doesn't suit you. You're much better at being a loser!

Tele-Pete: Oh god, not again!

Violent Orchid: If you try to teleport away, I'm keeping these!

Tele-Pete: Okay! You win!

Violent Orchid: Excellent! Now, about that hat of yours...

Super-Dick: Tele-Pete! What the hell happened?

Violent Orchid: I think he needs an ice pack.

Super-Dick: Goddammit. Someone take him to the infirmary! The Violent Orchid! Captured at last. I am Super-Richard, here to welcome you to the L.I.M.P. Super-Max Prison!

Violent Orchid: Thanks Super-Dick, but I won't be staying long.

Super-Dick: Nonsense! Your crimes are well documented and this building is a fortress. If you try to escape, you will fail. Now don't move, we must apply some more restraints. It's standard proedure.

Misogy-Ninja: Easy now, hold still.... Ow, hey!! Oh fuck! Let go!! No, please! Aaaaaaaaah!

Violent Orchid: Sorry, guys. I'm not very good with restraint.

Super-Dick: I though you might be ...difficult. Very well, let's see how you do against my protege'! Rex! Subdue the prisoner!

Violent Orchid: Alright Rex, think you got what it takes? Give me your best shot! Ha ha! Too easy! Even for a protege, you really suck at this. But I guess if you get all your training from these idiots, then I'm not really...

Rex: Raaaa!

Violent Orchid: ...surprised! Okay, fine! Let's do this the hard way!

Super-Dick: Oh, Orchid! You're supposed to be stronger than this!

Violent Orchid: I know, right! Where did you find this guy!

Super-Dick: Rex was a regular guy, once. I took him into my laboratory and treated him like a son! A fea harmful experiments, some nasty injections and I have transformed him into the perfect soldier! Now he is as loyal as a dog and as strong as a tyranosaurus! Feel free to test his limits.

Violent Orchid: Yeah, way ahead of you, Dick.

[L.I.M.P. HQ]

Scientist: Andrena? Andrena, do you read me?

Andrena: Loud and clear, honey!

Scientist: What's your status?

Andrena: These bumbling idiots are keeping me busy!

Scientist: Should I be worried?

Andrena: Ha ha, no! I have a good grip on the situation.

Misogy-Ninja: Aaaaagh!

Scientist: Excellent! Finish up there and head to the south entrance.

Andrena: I'm on my way!

She-Nobi: Ooh! Right in his magic missile!

Other She-Nobi: Ha ha ha!

She-Nobi: This must be why you're called a "Squishy"?

Andrena: Um, are you girls okay?

She-Nobi: Oh ya, we're fine.

Other She-Nobi: This guy claimed to be a big powerful wizard, but he can't cast spells when we break his concentration.

Squishy: Vixens! I will burn you... Adhibete-Magni-Globi-Ignis...

She-Nobi: Counterspell!!

Squishy: ....Ungh!

She-Nobi: Oops, fizzle. Now I cast "Orbs of Excruciating Pain"!

Andrena: Ha ha! There go his magic beans!

[L.I.M.P. Super-Max Prison]

Super-Dick: Give up Orchid! You cannot win. Rex is superior in every way. He is faster. He is stronger. And unlike you, he is immune to pain. Excellent work Rex.

Violent Orchid: Ow! This really does hurt!

Super-Dick: Now show her to her cell!

Violent Orchid: No thanks. I've seen enough!

Rex: Ahhhhhh!

Super-Dick: Wha... Wha... What's happening? How did you..?

[L.I.M.P. Super-Max Prison Flashback]

Narrator: Earlier...

Violent Orchid: Okay Pete, I need you to take me to this address.

[F.I.R.M. HQ Flashback]

Violent Orchid: This is the headquarters of Females of Intelligence Resolve and Might. We don't let prisoners escape! Keep him subdued, but conscious. I'll be right back.

Victoria: Orchid, you're back! We have good news!

Violent Orchid: Me too. I'm in jail!

Victoria: The files we acquired have been very revealing! Apparently, Richard has been testing a formula that can give ordinary men super-powers! He calls it "Power Man Syrum"!

Violent Orchid: "P.M.S."? ... Really?

Victoria: As far as we know, only one test subject survived, but he is formidable.

Violent Orchid: Sounds ominous, so what's the good news?

Scientist: The good news is, we have already reverse engineered a nullifer! One mist of this and he will instantly lose all of his powers. *The subject may also experience an extreme burning sensation!*

Violent Orchid: Excellent, so where should I spray it?

Scientist: Somewhere... sensitive!

Violent Orchid: Yes! I win!

[L.I.M.P. HQ]

Violent Orchid: Hey, I'm not...

Distracto: Sleeeep.

Super-Dick: Good work Distracto! Now hold her here until I return!

Distracto: No problem! I have her full attention! Huh? The alarm? Ahhhhh!!! My eyeballs!

Violent Orchid: You should worry about your other balls!

Narrator: Meanwhile....

Scientist: All perimeter targets secure. Guards neutralized.

Super-Lex: More like neutered! Ha ha!

Scientist: Commence Phase 2. All units move in.

Super-Lex: Copy that. Good timing. Sound the alarm, boys! You're under attack!

Misogy-Ninja: Help! The west gate has been creached! Request backup immediately! Does anybody read me? Dan?... Darryl?... Dave?...

She-Nobi: I'm sorry, Dave is currentlu suffering from a vicious bee sting!

Hornman: Hey! Leave him alone! You stupid girls broke into the wrong building. This is L.I.M.P. Headquarters! Every hero in the city works here!

Andrena: Uh... yeah. That's the point.

Hornman: Eek!

Andrena: We "girls" have decided to take over the city. The first step is unmanning all L.I.M.P. bases!

Hornman: *Whimper*

Andrena: Looks like we caught you with your dick in your hands!

Misogy-Ninja: Ahhhhhhhh!

Super-Lex: Well, that's it for the henchmen here. How's it going with the "super" guy?

She-Nobi: Uhhg! Slowly! This is the last time we trade! This guy is super strong!

Other She-Nobi: Yeah and it's super annoying!

Victoria: Start talking, where can I find Richard?

Brown Agent: Screw you bitch! I'm not telling you shit!

Victoria: Wrong answer! Shall we try again?

Brown Agent: Aaaaaaaah!!!!

Distracto: Ahhhhh!

Violent Orchid: Victoria! I almost had Richard, but I was...distracted.

Victoria: Don't worry, I know where he's hiding.

Violent Orchid: Let's finish this!

Victoria: Give up Richard! You lost.

Violent Orchid: We defeated all your men while you were hiding in here like a coward! If you're soooo powerful, why didn't you try to stop us? Hey! Dick! We're talking to you!

Super-Dick Decoy: Ha ha ha! You fell into my trap! Explosive armed. Beginning countdown. 10... 9... 8...

Victoria: Oh shit! A decoy!

Violent Orchid: An exploding decoy!

Victoria: Then where is the real Super Richard?

Super-Dick Decoy: 7... 6...

[F.I.R.M. HQ]

Super-Dick: Ha ha ha ha! Completely defenseless!

Scientist: Uh, girls.... We have a problem!

[L.I.M.P. HQ]

Victoria: We need to run! Let's go!!

Violent Orchid: There's no time! He's gonna blow!

Super-Dick Decoy: 4...

Tele-Pete: Let's go Richard! No shame in retreating. So long bitches!

Victoria: Um... Did he just....

Violent Orchid: Ha ha ha! He totally did!

[Money Sack]

Tele-Pete: I did it guys! I saved Richard! Boom!

Capable Man: Boom!

Foot-baller: Boom!

Super-Dick Decoy: 1...

BOOM.

[L.I.M.P. HQ]

Victoria: Andrena, can you meet us on the roof?

Andrena: Yes, I'm already outside!

Victoria: Come quickly! We lost communication with F.I.R.M.! We need you to fly us back there to see what's going on.

Andrena: I'll drop what I'm doing immediately.

Victoria: Everyone else, continue the assault.

Super-Lex: We're on top of it!

She-Nobi: With pleasure!

[F.I.R.M. HQ]

Scientist: So... you blew up the whole building? Even your own men?

Super-Dick: A necessary sacrifice.

Scientist: ...Wow!... You really are a dick!

Super-Dick: I am a god! I have the syrum. I can make a new army of heroes! And all that's left of the evil F.I.R.M. is one helpless little scientist!

Scientist: It may shock you, but this little scientist can defend herself!

Super-Dick: Ahhhhh!

Scientist: I bet that "hertz"! Ha ha ha!

Super-Dick: You stupid bitch! You could never defeat me!

Scientist: Maybe not... But they can!

Super-Dick: Oh shit! They're alive?

Violent Orchid: And you're dead!

Super-Dick: Fuck this! I'm outta here!

Andrena: Richard, honey, are you trying to escape again?

Super-Dick: Huh?

Andrena: I knew you wouldn't have the balls to stand and fight! And I also know you can't fly without your magic cape! Oops. That's another hole in the roof.

Super-Dick: So you wish to settle this, right here, right now? Fine. You won't like how this ends. Good always triumphs over evil!

Violent Orchid: I hate to break it to you, but as a "good guy", you don't get to fight dirty like me! One of your many weaknesses!

Victoria: Well, Dick, we captures your base and defeated your men! You're the last hero standing. This is normally where I would offer you a chance to surrender.

Super-Dick: Fuck you!

Victoria: But as the leader of L.I.M.P., you don't get to surrender! We have to make an example out of you!

Super-Dick: Aaaaaah!!!

Victoria: Alright girls, let's show this town what we do to "heroes"!

Scientist: Smile for the camera, Dick!

Violent Orchid: Ahhhh!!!

[L.I.M.P. Super-Max Prison]

Narrator: (Formerly) L.I.M.P. HQ

Misogy-Ninja: I can't wait until Richard wipes that smile off your face!

She-Nobi: Super Richard? He's not going to make it, today.

Gamma Rae: This is him right? The most powerful hero in the city?

She-Nobi: Looks like he's under a lot of pressure at the moment.

Super-Dick: [recorded] Aaaahhhhh!

She-Nobi: Ha ha ha! They look pretty deflated now!

Gamma Rae: The morale of the men?

She-Nobi: Oh, yeah, them too!

[F.I.R.M. HQ]

Victoria: Okay, stream this next part to the whole city. Today is a new day! The tyranny of the L.I.M.P. patriarchy has ended! Super Richard, your crimes are many and your guilt is certain. Do you have any last words before we decide your fate?

Super-Dick: Please, just kill me quickly.

Victoria: I said "last words", not "last requests". If we decide to kill you, we will do it however we want to! But for now, you will live. We're locking you up until we feel like you've paid for your crimes in full! This city is under our control and we are waging war on every league, gang, and super group within its borders! We don't care if you're good, evil, or just a bunch of stupid emo-vampire clowns. We are coming for you!

[Shadow Age HQ]

Narrator: The Shadow Age Disciples

Shadow Age Disciple: Hey?! Was that a shot at us? I think she meant us! What the hell?

[F.I.R.M. HQ]

Violent Orchid: Well, Richard, this is goodbye!

Super-Dick: I'm not afraid to die! Let's get it over with!

Violent Orchid: No, no! Ha ha! I meant I'm leaving! I got promoted! I'm in charge of a new base. We turned your old L.I.M.P. Building into the perfect training facility! All the prisoners are our practice dummies! But I'm not just here to gloat. I also wanted to show you my new costume upgrade. Do you like it? It's ultra-strong, super thin hero-grade latex. I can't get over how comfy and smooth it is. It's like silk! Go ahead, feel it! Ha ha ha! Later dummy!

[F.I.R.M. Superpower Selection Facility]

Gadget Girl: Hello! I'm here to get super-powers.

Receptionist: Ah, yes. You must be Sarah? Welcome! Have you decided which powers you want?

Gadget Girl: I have! I was thinking "insects"! Strength and flying would be cool.

Receptionist: Okay. It will be about five minutes until our other client is finished. She went with the "reptile" package!

Reptile She-Nobi: Aaaaaaaaaaaaahhh!!!

Receptionist: Okay, great! You're all set! Allow two to three days for the powers to manifest! Thank you! So that was insects, right?

Gadget Girl: Is it too late to change it to "billionaire with gadgets"?

[F.I.R.M. Training Facility]

Intercom: Congrats on your promotions and upgrades! Today we unlock your true potential! The future is now an open door to you both! And I, for one, can't wait to see how powerful you've become!

Violent Orchid: So why not test your new abilities out on these losers who are trying to escape? Honestly, I don't even care if you kill them. We could use the space.

Gadget Girl: Ha ha ha! I could get used to this!

Goatee Man: I can't... *cough* ... please stop!

Lightning Man: Game over, bitch!

Gadget Girl: No way! Player 2 is about to join!

Lightning Man: Player 2? What?

Goatee Man: Shoot her!

Lightning Man: Aaaaah!!!! What the fuck? Ahhhhhh!

Chamellia: Super strength and invisibility? This is amazing!

Violent Orchid: Power creep, amirite?

Chamellia: I can also climb walls and jump super high! You.... um... have a staff?

Gadget Girl: What? No! Well... yes. But not just the staff! I've got a million toys in here, let's see... laser goggles, shock gloves, all kinds of grenades... darts, shuriken, rocket boosts. Oh, and I've even got a fuckin' grappling gun! I mean, how cool is that?

Chamellia: Grappling guns aren't cool.

Gadget Girl: Oh yeah? Watch this!

Hood Man: Hey, that all sounds really scary, so, can I surrender? Please?

Gadget Girl: No.

Hood Man: Oof! Aaaahg! Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

Chamellia: I stand corrected. That was super cool!

[F.I.R.M. Costume Facility]

Violent Orchid: Now that we know your powers and fighting style it's time to finish your super persona. Try our new costume designer program!

Gadget Girl: Ooh, neat!

Violent Orchid: Oh forget this stupid computer! You can both use my tailor. You're going to love her! She's basically Leotard-O Vinci!

[Gang base]

Gadget Girl: Can we get on with the action please?

Violent Orchid: Yes. It's all action from here. See that building over there? We have reasons to believe it's an operations base for one or more of our rival gangs.

Gadget Girl: Let me guess, you want us to just walk in through the front door?

Violent Orchid: Yeah, go and take a look around, let's see if there's anything we should be afraid of.

Security Guard: Hey, this is private property!

Violent Orchid: And if anyone gives you any trouble, you know what to do!

Chamellia: Are we sure this is the right place? Security is pretty weak.

Gadget Girl: Hmmm... Let me take a look. Whoa, easy! Nice robot!

Armored Soldier: What are you, dumb? We're not robots. We're armored soldiers!

Gadget Girl: Oh! That's not good... for you! Let me try your laser gun. It looks like a blast!